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02/14/2005: "A Baby’s Journal:"

October 5, 2004:

Today I start my journal for today is the first day of my life. My parents still don’t know about me. I am no bigger than a grain of corn. Yet, I already have my own little personality. I know I am a boy. My hair will be the color of corn and my eyes as blue as the sky. Before I come out into the world, I will already be me. Everything is in place. I even know I will like flowers. I will be one of kind, UNIQUE. What chance I have! I am the only once who made it among the millions of others who came with me.

Continue below....
October 19:

I am getting bigger everyday but I still can’t do anything. I am still too small. My mom must do everything for me…or almost. She still doesn’t know I am inside her, growing, anxiously waiting until she finds out the good news. She warms me, feeds me, protects me. Yes, I am right there, close to her heart. She is so good to me.

October 23:

My mouth is forming now. Just think, in one year, yes just one year, it goes fast you know, I will be able to laugh and speak. I already know my first word will be MOMMY.

October 25:

Today, I am 20 days old! It’s not everyday that you turn 20 days! For the first time today, my heart started beating by itself. From now on, it will beat to its own rhythm, all through my life, never stopping and after many years, it will stop and I will die….

November 2nd:

I am now 5 weeks old. I am getting bigger everyday. Today, four little nubs pushed out of me. They will become my legs and my arms. I know it will take some time but one day, I will be able to stand on my own two feet, run to mommy’s arms. With my little arms, I will be able to finally hug her while she holds me close to her heart. One day, I will be able to follow daddy around, even try to fill his shoes. My little arms will wrap themselves around his neck, while his strong ones will hold and protect me. Together will be able to run through the fields and pick pretty flowers for mommy.

November 12:

My fingers are forming now and so are my toes. I can wiggle them but they are so tiny. With my little fingers, soon I will be able to touch mommy’s face and play in daddy’s hair. I can’t wait until we are a family!

November 20th:

Today is a big day!! It is today that mommy and daddy will find out I am here, growing inside mommy. I was so lonely! I so much wanted them to know that I was there! How happy they must be to know soon we will be three. I was so anxious for them to know. Are you happy mommy? And you daddy, are you happy too? Tell me you two can’t wait for the day when I am with you.

November 25th:

I wonder what they will call me? Or do they know I am a boy. Maybe they think I’m a girl! Oh well, it will be a surprise. If only they knew how much I love them already. I will be a good son, mommy. I will try to follow in daddy’s footsteps and never make you unhappy. I will be your little man. I was thinking of a name…but I know whatever you decide I will surely love.

December 10th:

My hair is getting longer now. I can actually pull the little stubs. They are soft. I wonder if I have mommy’s hair or daddy’s?

December 13th:

I can almost see now. It’s dark in here though! I am not scared. I know mommy is there. I can hear her heart lulling me to sleep. I know they day I am born, it will be sunny with lots of flowers and birds singing. But I so want to see my mommy. Will I look like her or more like daddy?


December 25th:

I don’t understand what is going on but it seems like there is a lot of noise out there. Tonight I felt a small pressure on my back, just like if someone was trying to hug me. Was that you mommy? I love you too you know.

December 27th:

I wonder if mommy and daddy can hear my heart beating now. I am getting much bigger you know! And my heart beats almost as loud as mommy’s. I have so many dreams! I am so lucky to be here. There are children who are born sick but not me. Oh no! My heart is strong and I will be a healthy little boy. You will see mommy> Your son will be very strong, just like his daddy.


December 28th:

Today, something awful is happening. I cannot breath! I am strong but not strong enough to fight this. I think mommy doesn’t love me anymore. Did I do something wrong mommy? Why did you take those pills? I would have made you happy? Why didn’t you give me a chance? My little heart is slowing down now, my eyes are closing…I cannot fight no more…Help me mommy…


PS:

I am so glad mommy changed her mind. The pills didn’t work. I am back, mommy. Please tell me you are happy. I feel weak but I know if you love me I will get strong again. I get visions of never seeing you or daddy…it scared me mommy. I can feel your warm blood circulating in my veins again, faster now, bringing feelings back into my limbs. I am so happy you decided to keep me mommy. I will love you and make you proud of me all the days of my life. I can’t wait until you can hold me in your arms! Tell daddy I love him too…

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